September 1, 2007

“I want to be different than I am now, I want to be better at life somehow, I want to be beautiful but I don’t know how, I want to be yours – I want to be yours Lord. So come take the ugly that lives in my veins cause I keep on scrubbing and I never change, and I know your fingers weave beauty from pain, whatever you do Lord don’t leave me the same.”

Those are the lyrics from a song I was listening to today… I want to be who the Lord desires for me to be.

Some how time has gone by so quick that August has slipped by while I have been in Thailand. I guess it hasn’t slipped by, but so much has happened and my life has been flooded by the Lord and my heart has been blessed over and over again. My friend Mike told me before school was out, “Sara, I have never seen the Lord provide for anyone the way that he provides for you.” The Lord spoke so much to me in that moment, and I have to admit the Lord has been my Jehovah Jireh -- God the Provider. I am currently spending my Saturday morning inside a chocolate shop, drinking an Iced coffee with two free gourmet chocolates reading my journal from over the summer and spending time with Jesus. I am listening to a new worship cd that my friend Katie let me barrow and just amazed how I know without a doubt that I am right where the Lord wants me. Stepping out in faith and going where the Lord wanted me to go was so scary to commit to, but now I feel so selfish enjoying the blessings that he provided me with for just trusting him. It’s better than I ever imagined.

Even though I am in Thailand, I have realized that the mission that the Lord has for me here is being so perfectly revealed to me in this English community I live in. He has given me such a strong Christian community to grow and be alive in, a high school girl’s bible study to lead with girls who go to my school, and then a non-Christian community that I live daily life with to be a light. It is easy to try to do things on my own, but I quickly get dry and am reminded that I will die daily unless I am attached to the vine. This happens to be the song the Lord let me listen to right now…

“If you say go, we will go. If say wait, we will wait. If you say step on the water, and they say it can’t be done – we will fix our eyes on you and we will go. Your ways are higher than our ways. And, the plans that you have laid are good and true. If you have called us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand, we will gaze into the fire and look for you."

I look back on the past year of my life, and at the time things didn’t make sense – and I didn’t understand the plans the Lord had for me, but now I am beginning to see his plan or at least the process he wanted me to go through. Ask the Lord to reveal to you the dreams of your heart, he will and it is a beautiful thing.

And… now the song the Lord is playing for me is the song that was on the radio as my Dad was driving me to the airport about letting God help you find your wings. There are some moments where the Lord reminds me that he is alive and active, and this is one of the moments.

“It’s not living if you don’t reach for the sky, I will have tears as you take off, but I will cheer as you fly…”

Thanks mom and dad for giving me your love to give me roots so I could find my wings.
This letter is kind of a mishmash of thoughts and ideas, but if you know me well you will understand that is how my mind usually works. It has been a blessing to share this adventure and this journey with all of you and I would not be where I am without the blessings of your friendships and prayers. I am finding that the body is so important… my life is blessed because of all of you.