Here again.

I just got finished reading some of the last posts on my friend Emily's blog. She is wonderfully beautiful both inside and out, and is so good about sharing about the real things happening in her life. Some things are big, somethings are little -- but never the less honest. She is sharing about what the Lord is doing in her and her new husband's life. God has been so good to them, and it's a testimony to how he loves his children and how he wants the best for them when you look at their lives. Have to admit, I am jealous. I am jealous that so many things I want to be sure of in my life, she is sure of in her life. I mean come on Jesus, we are the same age, the same hight, like the same clothes, we even both have dark hair -- shouldn't I be sure of the things in my life that she is in hers? Shouldn't I be sure of the man I am supposed to marry, the town I am to live in, the job I am supposed to have. The Lord reminded me though, that -- that is Emily's story. That is the story and the timing that he has for her life, for her season. Not mine. I have my own story, my own wonderful book that was written for me before I was even born 23 years ago. He hasn't forgotten about me. And I have to remind myself that my life is a testimony to is provision and grace. I am amazed at how we are human and want it all. Some of you may be reading and say what does she have to jealous of, she has cool pictures and lives in Thailand. But, I am learning too, along "This Road" that unless we are dependent on the Lord looking for the ways that he can get most glory and most recognition that this life is not mine -- that it is a gift to show other people more of him -- we will always want what our neighbor has. We will always be comparing ourselves to the person next to us, looking for recognition, looking for purpose, if we are not letting the Lord give us purpose, love and recognition. We will never be content in this life apart from Him.

I think of a lot of this stems from what I am currently praying and seeking the Lord from in my life. I have found myself at the point where I need to put in my commitment to CMIS if I want to stay another year or go. And honestly -- I don't know. I don't know what the Lord's best is. I know that this past year and a half have been exactly where I was supposed to be, without question. I know that the Lord changed me, and grew me in this place that I never would have experienced in another venue. That I have learned better who he is, and who he has created me to be. That he has changed me (I mean seriously, those of you who knew the old Sara, would she have gone to India and stayed in $5 a night guest houses). I ultimately want to be right where he can change me the most. The more I read and look to him for guidance and direction the more he reminds me that my location doesn't really matter, it's where I can bring him most glory that matters. If you want to pray for me, I would love your prayers. If you could just ask the Lord to give me a clear leading by January 31st (when I have to make a decision). That he would open doors where he wants me to be, and close doors where he is finished working. That I would have clarity and confidence to take the steps in the right direction. Thank you for reading, thank you for praying, and I will try -- really I will to keep this updated more often, whether the things in my life are big or little. I need to share about who the Lord is and how he has been so good to me, always.

PS. The picture is our most recent family picture -- I had an AMAZING visit with my entire family here in Thailand. I just felt so loved that they would all come here to spend Christmas with me. I promise I will write more about that great trip later...