Value.

I thought that this whole I'm-moving-to-Chicago-and-don't-need-to-work gig would be awesome. However, I was wrong. I never realized how much a person needs to feel valued and appreciated, needed. Don't get me wrong, I know Raef values me, and he appreciates the dinners he eats at night -- however there is a gaping hole from 8am to 6pm where I could simply never leave the house, and no one would care. Before I had 22 kids that would miss me if I didn't show up, or in college have a guilt complex if I missed a class. I had papers to write, lessons to plan, and young life talks to prepare, girls to meet, field trips to organize, elephants to ride (okay that's a lie), bible studies to prepare for...

And here I am, stuck -- yet again -- where does my puzzle piece of gifts fit into this whole picture around me. Where can I use my love to read children's stories, paint pictures, organize a classroom, or simply be in a place where I can have mind stretching conversations with adults.

I tried the nanny gig, not for me. The south east Asia center was interrested in me to teach their K-1st program, but since I was going to be married during their high season -- I'm not a match. Got shot down by the french international school, because the boy got the job. No, no, no. I want to be needed.

I know I am supposed to fit into this picture somehow, but somedays I wonder if the body needs me, that I wish it would just holler my name and tell me where to go.

So, when you hear the statistic of 1 in 10 being unemployed, you can now think of me. I now realize how daily we need to tell the people in our life how we value them, appreciate their gifts to our lives, because when you get in ruts where you don't think you fit, you need to hear those things.

I guess my prayer now is for patience and purpose each day... because I know the Lord has promised me that he's not going to throw me away. He's been so faithful, so I don't know why he would stop now.